This week’s The Bachelor was filled with drama: from Kelsey hating a camping trip so much that she brought on a bad energy and got stung by a bee; to another week of “You’re a virgin? I’m so jealous of you!” ridiculousness; to Chris getting stumped by jealous girls playing a more and more political game (“Game on!” these girls continually say when they catch other girls making out with Chris). Every week I watch this show I am entertained, gripped, and confused by what it is I enjoy about it.
I thought it’d be fun to go through the week’s events by focusing on some of my favorite winner/loser moments.
Jade has been a quiet girl in the mansion. She doesn’t seem to involve herself in the drama of the more outgoing girls in the house and has only recently started getting screen time. In that sense, I can relate to her: I would not be scaring and creeping everyone out (Ashley S.) and I wouldn’t be stripping my clothes and jumping off into a lake/pond (Ashley I. and Kaitlyn). Jade’s calm, girl-next-door demeanor led Chris’ sisters to pick her for a Cinderella-themed dinner date with Chris. Regardless if Jade ends up with Chris, she is the real winner of the night after she got to keep (keep!!!) a pair of Louboutins and a pair of earrings worth $200,000 from Neil Lane. I wouldn’t mind going on a date with meek ol’ Chris for that.
Loser: Britt (and Chris)
How awkward is Chris when he is confronted by others? He stumbles, stutters, and can’t make eye contact. I understand Chris is very much a kind, gentle man who probably ponders life as he stares at his cornfields and sips his coffee in the morning. But his muscles are totally deceiving you if you think he’s your typical aggressive bro (this is a quality I like about Chris). It’s just kind of awkward when he can’t explain his position well when these girls confront him. (Just be like, “Hey, I’m dating 30 of you at once and that is the premise of the show. I hear where you’re coming from, but it is ultimately my decision who I give a rose to, and Kaitlyn keeps impressing me, so there you go.” She’ll be very quiet after that and then you won’t have to give a speech about “your integrity” before the rose ceremony.)
Britt, one of my early-on favorites, had earlier expressed to Chris’ sisters that she just lets Chris be with the other girls because she’s “confident.” Then, during the cocktail party, she asked Chris if he was just validating bad behavior by giving Kaitlyn a rose once more (after she had taken off her bathing suit during the lake date). He didn’t know what to say so he mumbled a bunch of words that didn’t make sense and Britt lost major points with him.
Another episode, another rose before the rose ceremony. This girl is likable, beautiful, fun, and easy-going. My favorite girl thus far. How is she the same person who told Chris he could “plow her fields” whenever he wanted when she first met him?
Loser: Ashley I.
Ashley I., poor thing, is once more at a stalemate. Last week, she cried about not spending enough time with Chris (Jillian kept him clawed in the hot tub). This week, she’s crying because she has to tell Chris she’s a virgin right now or else her life is over. I don’t know, every week I see the amount of stress this girl puts on herself because of her crush on Chris, and I just take a step back like, is this guy even worth this much? She’s gonna make herself sick one of these days (but not before Kelsey, according to next week’s preview). Side note: Ashley I. probably lost her mind even more when the spotlight was taken away from her and placed on Becca, who revealed last night that she is also a virgin.
Winner: ABC, making lots of dough
It’s not enough that we watch a show that offers us a “fairytale” story, now we have to watch videos and look at stills of Disney’s Cinderella live reboot? Thanks media conglomerates, I really enjoy your cross-promotion!
Loser: us, the audience
We lost two good ones this week: Ashley S. and Jillian. Let’s have a moment of silence for the constantly darting eyes and chillingly weird whispering of Ashley S. Let’s have another moment of silence for the perpetual black box covering Jillian’s extremely-toned bottom whenever she was wearing a bikini or shorts. We will miss the comedy (and now we only have Kaitlyn).
The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.